Month: January 2009

Meditative grace

I have been practicing daily meditation for about 3 years, though with some irregularity at times. I started with 20 mins, then to 25 mins, 30 mins, and once, an hour. But though the time spent meditating can be long, my experience is that it is not often, and not for very long, that I can enter into that center of peace – where all thoughts cease and an overwhelming yet gentle sense of peace settles into my being. In fact, sometimes []

In praise of Henry; My mission

The most precious gift that God has ever given me is a husband who loves and fears Him and who trusts Him so completely, he can accept many things in faith without understanding. In the last week, my life has taken a sudden and dramatic turn. Although on hindsight it is clear that my entire life has led me up to this point, I believe that nobody could have ever known that this is where I will find my calling – full []

God takes His time to answer prayers

You have already read how I have always longed for a deep and true friendship in which I would feel loved and accepted. I just didn’t know what kind of friendship would fulfill my desires. For years I had searched and been disappointed. Time and again I was hurt and disillusioned. I had even given up hope of finding such a friend. But God has revealed to me that now I already have TWO such friends, and there will be more to []

A new creation

My friends, yesterday marked the 7th consecutive day of healing for me and amazing things have happened. Things that I feel many of you will not believe, though perhaps that sentiment of mine is from a lack of trust in God. Would you believe me if I told you that miracles have happened in my life? That for the entire day God had been speaking to me in my voice, testing me, challenging me, comforting me, driving me to exhaustion because He []

Liberation

Today is the happiest day of my life. Today, I realized that in all my life, I have never been able to accept or love myself because I have been measuring myself against my mother. What I am about to share in no way detracts from all the wonderful ways she has loved and taught me. But somehow, I had learned to see myself as good when I measure up to her standards, and lacking when I don’t. And so it is []

An ABD's confession

Note: ‘ABD’ is a term PhD candidates use to describe their “All-But-Dissertation” status. That means they’ve finished all their requirements except the dissertation – it’s the final stretch. I’ve been ABD twice. Once in early 2007, then again in early 2008 because I decided to change my topic after realizing the first topic was unfeasible. But I’ve been dragging my feet with the dissertation. In fact, I had been dragging my feet since I cleared the comprehensive exams. Now I finally found []

Seeing myself

People of faith don’t believe in coincidences. So I see it as God’s perfect timing that yesterday, my father brought back a digitally restored video of my kindergarten performance in 1984. Just when I realize that I don’t know how to accept or love myself – and that I don’t even know how to see myself except through other people’s eyes, I got to see my young self. Though there were laughs and teasing around when I watched it (first with mom []

A wise and holy priest

A while ago, after I had become aware of my great need for healing, I felt a strong inner prompting to seek the direction and counsel of Fr. William Goh. Initially I was hesitant to approach him because I know him to be extremely busy, being the rector of the St. Francis Xavier Seminary and all. But the prompting to seek him out grew undeniably strong and so I emailed him. I have since met him personally and corresponded with him via []

Born again!

The revelations keep coming. And I had a real tragically funny one this morning. It suddenly hit me WHAT my distorted image of God was. It was the image of a God OBLIGED to love me. And so it is that I have always believed God loves me no matter what. But He loves me – why? Because loving me (and everyone else) is the ‘right thing to do’. And God being perfect means that He will always be able to love []

Permission to be unhappy

Do you ever feel a sense of obligation to be happy? I realize I do. When people ask me, “So how have you been?” I usually respond with, “Ok.” And then I’d feel guilty about not being able to have responded with, “Everything’s great!” That’s right, I feel guilty for not being happier. Like there’s something wrong about being unhappy. I once had a friend who, when she felt unhappy with her life, felt guilty because she was so much better off []