Month: August 2009

SMOTA Parish Video #1: One Body

As part of a year long preparation towards our 40th feast day in August 2010, my parish of St. Mary of the Angels has launched the theme “Restore My Church” – the command that Christ gave St. Francis 800 years ago. In one of the efforts to engage the entire parish to make this pilgrimage of faith and to aid their spiritual reflection, the Church is doing a series of parish of videos. The first of the series is titled “One Body”, []

Fragile silence

From Mother Teresa’s “Total Surrender”, p. 103-104 To make possible true interior silence, we shall practice: Silence of the eyes, by seeking always the beauty and goodness of God everywhere, closing it to the faults of others and to all that is sinful and disturbing to the soul. Silence of the ears, by listening always to the voice of God and to the cry of the poor and the needy, closing it to all the other voices that come from the evil []

Sacrifice – Bob Fitts

Back in March when I attended the Conversion Experience Retreat, the first talk that touched me deeply was the talk on God the Father’s Love. It never struck me before that talk that God was kinder to Abraham than to Himself; for God never intended Abraham to sacrifice Isaac – it was a test of faith for Abraham to realize for himself just how much he loved God (something that is impossible to appreciate without the eyes of faith) – but God []

Journal: Before my vacation with the Lord

At 9a.m. today I’m starting a 4-day silent retreat. I’m pregnant with anticipation because even before the retreat, God has been reaching out to me in unmistakable ways. In the last 7 days alone, I have journeyed a great distance emotionally and spiritually. What is it you want me to do Lord? Speak Lord, for your servant is listening. As long as I have your love, Lord, I will go anywhere and do anything. For you. Teach me how to let you []


It’s 2:04 a.m. and I’m wide awake. I can’t remember the last time I was unable to fall asleep. Maybe it’s because I’m hungry. Maybe it’s because I received several interesting and exciting news today that make me wonder at what plans God has for me. Maybe it’s because I found out today that a friend’s dad passed away. This was an uncle that I saw every Sunday when I was growing up. I haven’t seen him in at least 5 years, []

That annoying weed in my field

Pride. It sucks. It makes me afraid to make a mistake – because I don’t want to fail. Even in spiritual matters I find myself tip-toeing around egg shells, afraid that I will make a false step and fail. I find myself succumbing to fear – that I would not live up to my own expectations. “I should be better than that!” That kind of mentality makes it hard for me to accept where I am in my journey when I feel []

Journal: Consolation

At mass today, I was filled with a deep sense of God’s love for me after receiving the Eucharist. I felt my heart open in response and I found myself talking to Jesus… “Lord, I’m sorry I still don’t have the faith to be unafraid of your will in my life. Please help me to be able to trust you and to say without fear, ‘Your will be done.’” He replied, “My child, all I have ever asked of you is to []

Discerning God's Will

A few days ago I asked a respected spiritual mentor for guidance in determining God’s will in my life. I wish to share it here as I am sure others will find the advice he gave me useful in their own lives. ******************** Follow your heart. Would that be irresponsible? No. If you have already thought about it and weigh all the pros and cons and when you are still unconvinced, then you must listen to your heart. But first you must []

Journal: When I'm afraid to say, "Your will be done."

10:08 a.m. Friday, August 7, 2009 I believe this repeated influx of self-doubt is pruning me. This morning I felt God tell me to remember how, at this moment, I am afraid to truly mean “Your will be done” because I was afraid His will is for me to complete my PhD. But the reason he wants me to remember this moment is so that I can have greater compassion and empathy for others who find it difficult to trust God, for []

Journal: My Shepherd and I

One morning in the Adoration Room, when I was tired and anxious from trying to discern what is the ‘right’ thing to do, this vision suddenly came into my mind’s eye… I was a little lamb near the feet of my Good Shepherd. I was running around back and forth, jumping, prancing, earnestly trying to get His attention and trying to please Him. Jesus bent down and picked me up. He cuddled me against His shoulder and held me close to His []