Deferring Responsibility

What is it they say? Be careful when you point a finger at somebody else because three other fingers are pointing back at you? I just realized how it applies to me. A few days ago I was frustrated when I felt some friends deferred the responsibility of making a choice that should be theirs to make. Then tonight, I found myself doing the exact same thing.

PES (The Philosophy of Education Society) is having their annual conference in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico this year. In my program of specialization, this is probably the most important conference there is. However, since last year, I’d begun to feel more and more out of place at that particular conference as most of the papers (in fact practically all) are so…philosophical and theoretical (I pause to note the irony here). My own work has been taking me more and more towards applied philosophy, particularly in educational policy and curriculum studies. I had begun to feel that I should ‘shop’ for a new ‘home conference’. I didn’t consider submitting a paper for this year’s PES meeting, and didn’t plan on attending either.

Then, tonight, I received an email from the professor who is this year’s PES Chairman. He’s a prof from UBC whom I’ve met and spoken to on several occassions at conferences. In the email, he asked if I was attending PES this year, and that he’d like to invite me to chair a presentation (regarding the controversy of wearing religiously significant clothing to school). Maybe it was because he remembered a paper I submitted to my UBC application 4 yrs ago on the Singapore Tudung Controversy and saw the link. Anyway… that email has plunged me into a dilemma. I had no plans of going. Had written off PES in some way. Now I find out that a pretty much ‘applied theory’ paper was accepted for presentation (can kick myself for not even trying). And furthermore, I’m being asked to chair that session. Should I not have written PES off so soon? More importantly, should I go? Even if it’s not entirely where I’m heading niche-wise, it could only be beneficial for me to continue building a network with fellow philosophers of education (esp such accomplished and celebrated ones as those who regularly make an appearance at PES). But then there’s the cost of a plane ticket, hotel room (resort on a beautiful beach I should say).

This was too much information for me to deal with all of a sudden and out of the blue. So I came up with a brilliant idea. Since I don’t like to travel alone, I thought I’d give my friend Erin a call and see if she’d like to go to PES this year. It’d be fun! Last year we went to NYC together for GSCOPE and had a blast despite her getting gastric flu. If she wants to go for PES, I’d have a roommate, travel buddy, and I don’t have to agonise about whether or not to go! I picked up the phone and… I couldn’t get her. Then I remembered it was March break next week, and that probably means she’s travelling somewhere with her family. There goes my lifeline. (Btw, it was right after that failed phone call that I realized my ‘hypocrisy’. *sigh*) Then, to make things worse my entire family, including Zibin is attending mass right now and I can’t get their opinion! Ah yes, I did remember to pray…but God didn’t give me any instant relief. And He didn’t give me any straight answer either (He probably thinks me figuring this out is a lesson anyway).

So now I can’t take the easy way out. I’ll have to figure this out on my own. The whole point is whether or not I would go, even if I were to go alone. What’s the best decision? I have to reply the PES Chair soon. I hope I’ll make up my mind. Meanwhile, I suppose I have to thank Him for nudging me back into place regarding patience and being quick to judge others. :P