Another Friday night in an apartment so quiet that I can hear a pin drop. Was so loathe to end the conversation with Zibin earlier (but the man wanted to take a nap…at 11a.m.!!!) What to do…gotta let a man sleep, no? Been reading ‘Type-Talk’ by Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen. Back in my psych undergrad days, I used to be a little iffy about the whole personality typing thing. But I’m continuously amazed at how many things about the MBTI preferences make sense. And suddenly, some of my own idiosyncracies don’t seem to be ‘problems’ anymore, and it’s kinda nice to feel vindicated.
Take this paragraph in the analysis of the ENFJ – “Clearly, any opportunity to be with others, to entertain, serve, involve others and be involved, is far more rewarding than sleep or any other solitary activity. In fact, too much time alone can make an ENFJ pensive, moody, self-punitive, and depressed. More than any other types, the ENFJ needs to move among and be engaged by people. Even a negative stroke from another person is better than being ignored. (p.275)” That last sentence is a little extreme, but otherwise, it is interestingly, even painfully, accurate. No wonder I get depressed more easily during the days/nights (like tonight) when I’ve just got me for company. And while a quiet day of work or errands may occasionally be calming, it is never fulfilling. But when I’m depressed for this very reason, I often can’t bring myself to disturb anyone cos that’s like so… inconsiderate. And those people I can disturb with impunity are not within disturbing distance or are in a ‘Rapunzel situation’ so to speak (if you don’t understand the reference, don’t ask me, you’re probably not meant to understand it :P).
Now I understand why having ‘disturb-friendly’ friends has always been something I appreciated deeply. Having a few people whom I know I can count on to lend me an ear, tell me a joke, or lend me their presence when I’m feeling ‘depressed from solitude’. I think I can safely say that not having *that* is the hardest part about being in Toronto. It’s not the work, not the independence thing or anything I have to do. It’s… the COMPANY. And every now and then, when I meet someone who understands that about me, it’s very comforting. Vindicating, even.
Journey of the Heart 