When I Felt Safe Enough to Say ‘No’ to God

Do we really believe that we are not OBLIGED to obey God? That God never forces our assent? That God doesn’t withdraw his love from us when our response to him is “no”?

Intellectually, I always knew that I was not obliged to ever say “yes” to God. But it was only when I had slowly grown more secure in God’s love for me that He peeled back a layer of my heart and showed me that deep down, I have never felt that I really had a choice. For who was I to refuse God? In fact how can I even think of refusing him anything when he has given me everything?

I was afraid of what a “no” to God would bring. I didn’t want to lose His love for me. I never did fully believe (beyond an intellectual assent) that God’s love for me was unconditional and free. Surely he would be disappointed if I couldn’t give him a “yes” whenever he asks something of me?

So there was a new season in my walk with God where I learned to say “no” – even to God. It was utterly refreshing! Instead of driving and pushing myself to the standards of discipleship I thought I should be at (pride, ego, more pride!), I was learning to listen not to fear or ego but honestly to my own heart, and to simply reflect what was in my heart to God. 

New life and love and joy poured into me. God was delighted that I could finally know my own heart AND tell him frankly and honestly what I felt and needed instead of what I thought He wanted to hear. I experienced God’s joy that I was beginning to come out of my “servant mentality” in my relationship with Him and speaking to Him with a new boldness that came from love and trust. I began to experience the security a truly beloved child has in her Father’s love.

As I learned to say “no” to God, my “yes” became more powerful. For now when I say “yes”, I say it from a place of greater freedom and more genuine love. My “yes” is no longer a tool I use to purchase approval and good will or avoid God’s disappointment and rejection. It is much more a true choice born of love that I could freely offer.

And so I continue to let myself be loved by God into ever greater freedom day by day, knowing that at the end of the day it isn’t anything I can do or not do but my free and joyful love that my Beloved desires!