Recently a dear friend shared with me how the mere thought of Lent and our traditional Lenten practices made her whole body contract. An interesting discussion about the intersection of trauma, family of origin wounds, religion, church and ascetic practices ensued which later made me recall my own personal struggles with Lent and how things changed for me once God’s healing love instead of what I “should do” became the center of focus.
You may wonder, what does “trauma-informed” mean and what might a trauma-informed Lent look like? There is much you can research about “trauma-informed” and “trauma-informed care” online, but for the purposes of this sharing I’m going to keep things really simple to highlight the main precepts that I find relevant to our topic at hand.
BEING TRAUMA INFORMED INCLUDES (The following points are adapted from SAMHSA’s Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services: Quick Guide for Clinicians)
- Recognising the prevalence of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) / trauma (including complex, attachment trauma) among all people, including ourselves
- Recognising that many behaviours and symptoms (including sinful acts or our resistance/repulsion of religious practices) are the result of or in response to past traumatic experiences
- Recognising that being treated with respect and kindness – and being empowered with choices – are key in helping people recover from traumatic experiences and grow in wholeness which is necessary for inner freedom to love (God, Self and others)
SOME TRAUMA-INFORMED PRINCIPLES INCLUDE
- Minimising the risk of re-traumatisation or replicating prior trauma dynamics
- Creating a safe environment
- Supporting the individual’s control, choice, and autonomy (because trauma usually occurred when all these were taken away)
The goal of trauma-informed care (TIC) is usually to avoid re-traumatising someone. (“Re-traumatising” refers to inadvertently recreating some conditions of a persons’ previous trauma, causing them to relive it in the moment which leads to the nervous-system going into fight/flight/freeze survival responses.)
What has all this got to do with Lent, you may wonder? Well let me invite you to ponder a question. I need you to try and connect to how your BODY feels in response to the question I am asking and not just make this an intellectual exercise (by the way, trauma also often keeps us stuck in our heads and disconnected from our bodies!).
PONDER
When you enter the Lenten season and start hearing/reading/watching preaching, videos, podcasts, blogs, social media and a variety of other messages about Lent (including those about fasting, prayer, almsgiving and penitence etc), what happens inside you?
Do you feel deeply connected with your inner-self, calmly attentive, more attuned to self, to God and neighbour, secure, grounded, curious and open? OR do you instead find yourself becoming restless, spacing out, dissociating, feeling stressed, anxious, tense and/or pressured to “do Lent correctly”?
If you identify with the latter and have become aware of it, chances are high if you are an observant Christian/Catholic that you may find yourself asking, “What’s wrong with me?” Being trauma-informed asks a very different question – instead of asking what is wrong with you that you are dissociating or numbing out during Lent, the trauma-informed question to ask is a much more compassionate, “What happened to you?”
This isn’t an interrogative question, nor one that you are expected to have an answer to immediately (in fact it may take months or years of therapy to unpack!) The point of the question is that there is a REASON why your body and nervous system is responding in this particular way to Lent. The reasons for it are most likely complex. Are you ready to be at least curious about it instead of reflexively judging yourself for your lack of readiness and fervour for Lent? Can you give yourself the space and time you need to feel safe again instead of forcing yourself to “power through” Lent just because this is what you “should do”?
A CHRIST-LIKE COMPASSION FOR THE WOUNDED AND MARGINALISED
At the very heart of our Lenten practices and our Christian faith is God who is Love. If we, because of our woundedness (e.g. past trauma), cannot connect to this loving God, then none of what we do actually helps us to deepen our life in Christ. There is no point doing something because we “should” when in fact it may be hardening our hearts, our bodies and souls even more against God’s love! We need all the more to view our spiritual practices through a trauma-informed perspective.
This Lent, what might you change (either by adding or subtracting) so that you may better be able to receive Christ’s compassion for the wounded and marginalised parts of yourself? The answer to this question will also be the path towards you becoming more able to offer the same Christ-like compassion for the wounded and marginalised beyond yourself.
In order to have a more trauma-informed Lent, you may need to fast from much of the traditional ways that Lent is spoken or written about because, unfortunately, for many trauma survivors these can be activating and re-traumatising. If you have a spiritual director or a counselor/therapist, you may wish to consider exploring together with them how to better listen to the truth your body is telling you about your relationship with Lent and to consider alternative and creative ways to honour the spirit of Lent that are healing instead of re-traumatising for you.
FOCUS ON HOW MUCH GOD LOVES YOU, NOT HOW WELL YOU CAN FIGHT SIN (YOU CAN’T TRIUMPH OVER SIN, BUT GOD’S LOVE CAN)
Trauma-informed principles lie at the heart of the interior integration journey, even if we don’t know it as such. In my own journey, it is the surprisingly consistent encounter with a God who honours my pace (and who asks me to honour my own pace), who is gentle and tender towards my failings (instead of harshly disciplining), and who prioritises my deepening trust in his unconditional love over wanting me to “fight sin” with my own strength that has helped me become more able to love God, love myself, and my neighbours with more freedom and authenticity.
I hope that you will be tender and gentle towards your wounded self too, and take a step back from how you usually approach Lent if you sense that something “isn’t quite right”. May you trust that there is something far deeper and more important than anything you can offer up in your traumatised state – and that is what God wishes to offer you – HIS VERY SELF.
This reflection was originally shared in the February 2024 issue of my monthly newsletter, BEGIN AGAIN. You can read that issue here.
Journey of the Heart 