Grateful

I’m tired beyond belief. Physically, mostly. Cumulative. Too much travelling and errand-running… not enough rest.

The last few days were in particular packed and exhausting. It has also been emotionally trying. And I had every opportunity to put into practice a lot of the new insights that I’ve been learning through my reading and reflection.

But I have no complaints. I don’t expect life to be easy. And I have learned to take pride in the fact that only I can fully appreciate the difficulties of the challenges I uniquely face in my life. It’s not a bitter realization at all. In fact, it’s rather wonderful. There’s still the pain of loneliness that is inevitable at times, but then as I turn that loneliness into solitude within God’s love, I feel empowered by the fact that my struggles are my own.

It’s been a long weekend. And I feel really spent. But at the same time, I had a chance to put to practice a lesson in trusting God. It wasn’t easy. I got in my own way. It was a fierce struggle, but one that more or less ended by this morning during mass when I surrendered. In surrendering to God, I won the battle with myself.

And now to rest.