Two Sundays ago during mass, the communion hymn seemed to pierce my being. I’m sure the fantastic choir and the amazing tenor who sang the solo had something to do with it. But as usual, it was the lyrics, especially the refrain, that seized me.
Only this I want
But to know the Lord
And to bear His cross
So to wear the crown he wore
“Only This I Want” – Dan Schutte
I’ve been reflecting a lot on silence. Silence of the heart is really a huge challenge for me. Everyday for some time now, I set aside time for meditation. I close the doors to my room. I turn off my phone, my computer, and all the lights… leaving a sole candle burning on my altar. And when this external silence has been achieved, I’m always confronted by the noise within.
To be still is hard. So many distracting thoughts fill my head and heart. A dizzying array of emotions, and a cacaphony of images crowd in, battling for my attention. It’s no wonder I disliked silence and solitude previously… I didn’t want to have to face all this noise! *wry* But I yearn for these quiet moments now… for even when I’m too distracted and worried to truly be quiet, I’ve found that there is still value in being able to confront the circus within me. This practice has gradually led me to greater self-awareness, and, unexpectedly, greater peace even amidst the hub-dub.
When I enter deep enough into my heart, below the tumultous waves of the surface, I grasp for a fleeting instant the understanding that it is all very simple. For at the very core of me dwells He who is pure Love. And where love is so full, there is no room for doubt or fear, resentment or bitterness, anger or sorrow. There is only love, and with it, faith, hope and trust.