But look, I am going to seduce her and lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. – Hos 2:16
There has been a small, still voice in my heart that has been calling out to me for some time. It has taken me some time to hear it over the din of my everyday life, but now that I hear it, I am arrested by it and cannot turn away. “Come away, Ann… Come away…”
I have been feeling the desire for more simplicity and solitude once again. I feel bogged down by spiritual weight, and I find myself itching to ‘trim the fat’ and identify what I can give up so that I might be lighter to run after Christ. There is something about simplifying my life that attracts me.
I find myself drawn to the idea of leaving/fasting from social media. I feel the dreariness of being too ‘connected’ to others which is ironic as such connections are not real connections at all. There is so much in my life that is superfluous and which keeps my thoughts and senses over-engaged. My soul is crying out for air…! Space! Freedom! I can feel it shuddering to cast off the weight of too much unnecessary knowledge about other people’s lives and random information. I can feel my intellect thirsting for material that illuminates rather than dulls. My entire being is yearning for a deeper solitude with God.
I already don’t watch TV at all, and I barely watch movies except those which I know would inspire and nourish me. I hardly read for entertainment anymore. It is the internet that holds me back from solitude now… Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and blogs… there are so many ways of being inundated with news, people’s emotions and lives. Much, if not all of these, I actually have no need to know! I do not need to keep close tabs on what’s going on in the lives of other people in order for me to be loving and available to them. Neither do I need to give a running commentary about different things that go through my heart and mind. I find it much more fruitful to bring my thoughts and emotions into the sacred space within myself where I can unpack it with God. I am nourished more deeply this way, and I am more able to offer real gems from my life to others when the time comes.
The beauty of life lies in its mystery. Yes, I’d like very much to rediscover the mystery in myself and in others. The mystery that solitude and silence reverently enthrones. I desire very much to go into the desert where there is nothing.
Nothing but God.
You have seduced me, Lord, and I have let myself be seduced; you have overpowered me: you were the stronger! – Jer 20:7