Why are you doing this to me Lord? After a lovely time with you, why are you letting me feel such loneliness? I miss Henry so much, Lord. Why did you have to have his trip extended?
I am running away from the pain. I know. Seeking distraction in company, entertainment. I can’t even sleep early or sleep well. Why is that? I do not wish to displease you Lord. Yet somehow I feel that it’s ok for me to do what I do… Perhaps it is better than me just moping around the house.
But I know I feel lonely. And I know you are letting me experience this on purpose. I am not trying to understand. I just feel my heart being rended…
You are here in my pain. Closer than anyone can be, even Henry. You drive me into your bosom because of my pain. You block my path so that I will turn to you eventually when the pain becomes too much.
My heart feels like a barren wasteland. Stark. Naked. Stripped. Raw. How I long for green grass and pretty flowers, living streams and lush green trees. But all I have is parched earth on which nothing seems to live.
Lord I adore you. But I crumble before you. I implore your mercy, yet I find somehow that I am in your thrall, even in this painful state. If it is your will that I be here, then I will not ask to leave this state. I will praise you in this storm. I will praise your name forever! I love you Lord, even as you hurt me.
12 Dec 2012
Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe