In the fire

What does it say about the state of my soul when your love burns me like fire? Your kisses crucify me and your embrace send me into agony.

It is not God’s will that a soul be disturbed by anything or suffer trials, for if one suffers trials in the adversities of the world it is because of a weakness in virtue. The perfect soul rejoices in what afflicts the imperfect one. – St John of the Cross

I am afflicted, Lord. You are so relentless and merciless in your love, I can hardly bear it. I hate myself for being so weak only to quickly recognise that even that is an indication of where I am in love.

Sometimes I wished there could be some other way to being one with you, some other way that is not so arduous. Yet I know that it is precisely because you know that I am weak-willed that you purify me seemingly against my will. After all, I had given you permission before. “Hurt me if you must,” I once said when graced by your Holy Spirit. “Hurt me if that is the only way for me to belong to you completely. Take what I offer, and what I am too weak to offer you willingly, take anyway so that I can love you more.”  Yet I hate you when you do it, Lord. Sometimes it all just feels too much that you are demanding from me!

I’m begging you, dear Lord, to pour on the grace, so that I will stay with you no matter what. I cannot do this, but I know that you can do it with me. Let me have faith! Let me have love! Let me never deny you anything you ask of me.

Give me the love to praise you even as I burn. Amen.

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