From a journal entry dated 8 January 2014:
My vocation is to be loved; so loved that I can love without fear; be a beacon of Truth, accepting and bearing rejection, hatred, anger, for the sake of souls… to be a mother who will love her children enough to bear their tantrums, misunderstanding, and anger in order to mold them into souls reflecting Jesus Christ.
I have no doubt that the transformation God will work in me will be this: that I who have always craved love and feared rejection will one day love fearlessly and rejoice in humiliation and rejection. I cannot imagine any other way that God can show his glory more fully in me. For did he not transform the pleasure-loving Francesco Bernadone into Il Poverello? Did he not transform irascible Francis de Sales into the meek and gentle saint? Surely then, God will transform me into a deep interior soul over-brimming with love and joy who will deliberately seek out the most broken and difficult souls to minister to.
“If you love those who love you, what credit can you expect? Even sinners love those who love them.” Lk 6:32
The day will come when I will no longer expect or seek to be loved by those I am sent to love. The day will come when I will rejoice when I find someone especially hard to love and be able to love him with great affection. I will be consoled by persecution and heartened by humiliation. Such a day will come when God’s transforming work of grace in me is matured.
My soul, do not be afraid of the passion that awaits you, for it is the Cross that will make you one with the Lord whom you love. Do not be ashamed of the abyss in you that hungers endlessly for love – that is God’s gift to you for he means to fill you to the brim with his love! The deeper the abyss, the greater your capacity to be loved! Embrace your imperfections and wait patiently for the Lord. He will make you Beloved.
Categories: Faith & Spiritual