Here is no martyr; no heroine; no selfless lover.
I am weak and thoroughly selfish. I love You not for You, but for what You give me.
I love the consolations of God, not the God of consolations.
These roots are deep.
And yet I am grateful for this unmasking, for I am so proud and slow that each unmasking reminds me that I am truly in need of a Saviour and Redeemer. Only when faced with my poverty do I turn my face to Jesus Christ my Lord!
And really, I know of nothing good living in me – in my natural self, that is – for though the will to do what is good is in me, the power to do it is not… the good thing I want to do, I never do; the evil thing which I do not want – that is what I do.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body doomed to death? God – thanks be to him – through Jesus Christ our Lord. So it is that I myself with my mind obey the law of God, but in my disordered nature I obey the law of sin.
(Romans 7: 18-19; 24-25)