Il Mare…and Connections

I watched Il Mare yesterday evening. The VCD had been sitting on my desk for several months now, I think, ever since HJ/HM lent it to me. I can’t remember exactly now the reason they recommended it to me, other than the fact that they thought the male protagonist in the film resembled John. In fact, HM said one of the first impressions they had of John when they met him was that he looked like the actor from Il Mare. *smile*

It’s been a long time since I’ve watched a full-length movie anywhere…the last time, I think, was in February during a movie marathon at my place (where I watched several full-length films). Since then, I’ve suddenly dropped out of my TV and movie watching habit. It wasn’t pleasurable anymore, somehow. There is just no appetite. But yesterday, I decided to do a ‘dinner and a movie’. After buying some pasta from Sambuca Grill, I headed home and spent the next couple of hours ‘by the sea’ (Il Mare means ‘the sea’ in Italian).

I liked the film very much. I don’t usually like time-travel fantasy type stories because they’re so unrealistic, but this one was so intimate (in that you were almost always just focused on one of the protaganists) and so subtly sweet that it was almost believable. Maybe because I wanted/needed to, I suspended my disbelief (usually I have a lot of critical questions for such films that would poke logical holes everywhere) and enjoyed it. The part I liked most was when the two protagonists gave each other ideas about what to do for fun (going to the amusement park/ taking a quiet walk along a tree-lined boulevard) and though they were living 2 years apart, they somehow managed to enjoy those times ‘together’. In mind, though not in body.

As sweet as the romance was, I didn’t get the feeling that the two characters were soul-mates. They seemed more like two lonely souls who found each other and became friends, and then becoming more than friends. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, cos I think if everyone was to wait for a soul-mate, not everyone might find one. Gone are the days I was that idealistic…ha ha…I don’t believe in soul-mates in the sense that everybody must have an ‘other-half’ in the world. But I do believe in the amazing connections that people can make with one another. But such ‘connections’ while amazing, begin only as potentialities…but if the relationship deepens, the extent to which understanding and knowledge of each other can be reached is sometimes nothing short of mind-boggling!

Such connections though, are 可遇不可求 so to speak. You may search for such a connection your whole life and never find one. You may not be searching, and one might suddenly appear. When you meet such a someone, you can’t help feeling a sense of warmth and comfort and even childish joy. There’s an unspoken understanding, there’s a feeling of being known even beyond what you show, and there’s a feeling of acceptance. Sometimes, such experiences do exist ‘one-way’, and that may be sad, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Celebrate at least, the fact that somebody *does* understand you, even if you cannot ‘return the favour’. If you’re lucky, you may experience what it is like to have someone in your life who shares such a mutual understanding with you. And for however short or long a time you may be in each other’s life, that experience is simply unforgettable.

One of the precious things about such connections is that it is a ‘gift’ and cannot be ‘made’. I don’t mean to make it sound that one *has* to find such a connection before being able to build a strong relationship…if that were true, we’d all be very miserable people. No, any relationship can be strengthened and built with genuine commitment at communication, understanding and unconditional love. Such ‘connections’ as such just makes it easier because there is much less room for misunderstanding. It also provides ‘something extra’ which can’t be described unless you’ve experienced it. Sometimes it feels like a profound and deep insight that has been arrived at together. At other times it could be a super ‘duh’ moment shared like a secret joke that fills you with childish glee. Either way, when it happens, you both know a special moment had just passed.

Being in a relationship with someone with whom you have such a connection can be ‘scary’ but also very liberating. Why scary? Because you realize you’re more transparent than you want to be. After a while, you realize there is really no point in trying to ‘hide’ anything about you because by some uncanny ability, that person just reads you like an open book. But it’s also liberating, because after the initial ‘freak-out’ at being transparent against your will, if that person accepts you the way you are, you find there is less and less reason to hide. And the turning point comes when two such people go beyond that ‘gifted’ connection and start committed communication to share themselves with each other more explicitly.

Do people need such connections? It’s debatable. I don’t actually think so. I think people can get along very well without such amazing connections…also because they won’t miss what they never knew. But if you experience such a connection, you just can’t imagine life without it again because you are changed…for good…and in a way above and beyond the sense in which every relationship changes you.

There is no ‘one type’ to such mutual connections either. It could happen because that other someone is very similar to you in some ways and so tend to value the same things or react in the same way to the same things, have similar flaws etc and add that to a ‘good gut’ both ways, you tend to be able to read each other and predict each other’s behaviour with uncanny accuracy. I have met someone like that, and our friendship has grown and changed as we have over more than a decade now. I’m someone who likes things to be expressed explicitly…this friend is by nature the sort who doesn’t express what she feels most deeply about. So it took us a few years before we were ‘on the same page’ so to speak. I had to learn to read what frequently went unsaid, and I became better and better at it…and she, bless her heart, is becoming more and more brilliant at expressing her sentiments in words on her own initiative. To this Friend, I wish to say…after 12 years, I still find a new page in our friendship now and then. The long emails that we have been exchanging the last few weeks, I feel, has revealed a new level of transparency in our already amazing friendship. Can’t wait to meet up with you again in June!

Sometimes, such a connection can happen with somebody that is very different from you in many ways. This is, I think, by far more rare. And it’s only happened to me once. But once is enough, because I’m marrying the guy! *laughs* Yah, I don’t know how it works either…Zibin and I are so different in the way we think and in what we like, but maybe there are powerful similarities beneath the surface. I’m blessed, because I *am* marrying a soul-mate. There’s really not much more I need to say about this :P

Of late I’ve begun to think I may be lucky a third time. But I shall remain silent about it for now, and you curious readers among you will have to be patient to see if more will be said on this mysterious ‘third connection’ in this ridiculous sunflower’s life *mischevious grin*.

More generally, ‘soul-connection’ or no, I’m a staunch believer that in any battle worthy to be won, a little ‘blood’ must be shed. I do not crave pain, but if pain is what it takes, I will gladly bear it. Even this far in my life, I have seen the fruits such a philosohy bears, and I can only imagine myself becoming more convinced of it. And I’ve got quite a good group of people around me who in different capacities have committed themselves to undertaking this journey that is LIFE with me.

Ha ha…quite a detour that began from watching a film, huh? Well, that’s me for you. I’ve been mulling a lot more recently so you should be prepared for more long rambly posts, maybe even more than once a day. I’m not going to apologize, because it’s my blog afterall *unapologetic grin*. And besides, I know there is at least a small handful of readers who delight in my rambliness *even wider unapologetic grin*. If this is too much Ann for you to take, ‘too bad’…So THERE!

Here’s the John-look-a-like from Il Mare. Can you see the resemblance? (Cathy, you’re marrying a Korean film star!:P) You can find more pics from this picturesque Korean film here.