Old & New


A pictorial representation of how I feel today

It’s been a long and eventful day. A full afternoon of committee meetings, and an entire evening of company. I think a lot was done today. Certainly I haven’t been around so many people in such a small space for some time. I had looked forward to today’s meetings…to wrapping up the past year, and turning onto the first page of a new year for MSSA.

I feel satisfaction and relief that the past year has come to an end. So much has changed since last September when I first met many of the committee members. While we aren’t exactly old friends now, there is definitely a level of warmth and familiarity that didn’t use to be there. And I am optimistic that this warmth will carry on with the new committee, and that coupled with the experiences gained from this past year, that next year will be an even better year for MSSA.

From about 1p.m. on, I hardly had a quiet moment. And yet, it almost seems like there was a thin veil surrounding me the entire day. I feel oddly detached, almost like an observer to my own interactions despite the fact that I was right in the thick of things. I’m aware there were people talking, people smiling, people laughing around me… especially during this evening. And I even had several very intellectually stimulating conversations with people I hadn’t talked to before. But it almost feels like I am not here. I don’t seem to be fully present today.

I was here. But I wasn’t fully here. I said many things without deep thought, and I had thoughts I did not speak. I looked but did not always see, and where I did not look, I sometimes saw. I listened to many words today without really letting them sink in, and yet some words I heard without trying.

Right at this moment, I almost don’t feel anything else but fatigue. Perhaps that’s good. Maybe then I will at least have a good night’s rest. I hope I have a quiet and dreamless sleep…

~Committed to Bluer Skies~

*************

Just went to read ZB’s latest blog entry…and it’s interesting he wrote about change. Today. *tired smile* He wrote about change because he had read John’s blog entry. Ah…change. I don’t feel anything about it tonight. And I am glad about it…for now.

2 Comments

  1. To paraphrase Morrie’s words, you could be feeling the detachment that comes after acceptance.

    Or perhaps it’s just the ambivalence of being so near yet so far.

    Whatever it is, take comfort in that change is an inevitable part of life. And for better or for worse, change helps us all to grow.

  2. Sometimes I find your perceptiveness rather uncanny, Ken. *rueful look*

    *pensive* I know you’re right. I’m not regretting change. And I will try not only to accept, but to embrace the opportunity that change offers me to grow.

    I wasn’t quite up to analyzing the reason for my sense of detachment last night. However, there’s a part in your comment that struck so near home when I read it that I think it must be true.

    Thanks for your encouragement! :)

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