"It's all YOUR fault"

12:50p.m. My handphone rings. I pick it up.

“I can’t sleep. So you must talk to make me sleepy.”

I begin to speak, but get interrupted.

“And can you don’t be too interesting? For once in your life, can you try to be boring? Cos I want to sleep.”

I laugh.

“How can you laugh? That’s waking me up!”

I pause to think of what to say.

“Keeping quiet doesn’t make me sleepy you know.”

And so began an HOUR long phone-call that was meant to make a certain party sleepy. It seems I wasn’t very effective at being boring. And I knew from the get-go that this would be one of those conversations that I would always lose.

Somehow, I was accused of being too interesting, too corny, of being too energetic in general, of making life interesting (talk about the pot calling the kettle black!!) and above all, for being a failure at making my husband sleepy. I was accused of having a certain effect on people, either making them cornier than usual, or more talkative than usual. (that was kinda nice actually, I took it as a compliment :P) Apparently, the Princes of Corn (i.e. Zibin and John) are fairly quiet and subdued when I’m not around. And it seems even Zibin’s brother-in-law is looking forward to my return because of how ‘interesting’ I am. I am…oddly flattered in a way, though it seems strange to be flattered when it sounds like I’m being blamed.

Then, my darling other half uttered those four little words. “It’s all your fault!” And I can’t describe how amused and ‘outraged’ I felt right then. Is it becoming a fad these days to pay people back-handed compliments?! Or are those four words printed across my forehead in letters that are visible to everyone else but me? :P Now, I’ve kind of gotten used to getting these four words said to me by friends (even teachers in the past have said it was ‘my fault’ for making other more er…genteel…friends boisterous or violent). And of late, in Toronto, this pandemic of blaming me for almost any thing under the sun seems to have been spreading (and there is a certain peckish friend that has been inciting this pandemic among MSSA committee members, much to my alarm). But what’s the world coming to when even Zibin says THAT of his own accord? *sob! sob!* I protest! I’m innocent! But I know that my protestations will be futile, cos I have never yet succeeded in persuading anyone that things are not *my* fault. *sniff* Poor me.

Well, after a long string of such complaints, and more accusations about how bad I am at making him sleepy, he told me he wanted to ‘cancel his subscription’. I actually thought he was talking about STI (Straits Times Interactive) or something. (ok, silly me!) But of course he was referring to his ‘lullaby subscription’ which he emphasized does not work. And he informed me, that if his boss asks him tomorrow why he looks like a panda, his reason would be, “It’s all my wife’s fault. She’s too interesting to talk to.” *wry look* I’ve been accused in the past of making people more violent, more uninhibited, more talkative, of being a distraction, of making people more organized (yah, go figure! :P), more hungry, more crazy…and now I can add ‘preventing sleep’ to my resumé. What kind of job can I apply for with such a list?

Well, if I’m really such a ‘dangerous’ and ‘contagious’ influence, I must really thank all you wonderful people who have chosen to keep associating with me despite such risks to your er…well-being. But here’s a thought…especially to the person who chose to marry me despite all my supposed bad influence. Since you obviously enjoy living dangerously, stop complaining! :P

3 Comments

  1. Your Significant Other is nuts for making that request in the first place. It would be very sad if a day should come when your words would bore Zibin to sleep, no?

    I suppose there’s also the support-your-spouse-in-every-way angle to consider. Hmmm, Shakespeare’s written a number of plays in honour of Zibin, I think? Try reading out loud Henry IV, V, VI or VIII in the most boring tone you have lor.

  2. That would bore ME to sleep. Shakespeare’s historical plays aren’t exactly my cup of tea. Besides, I tried using a ‘boring tone’ and was accused of acting cute. *sniff*

  3. Your popularity with your friends has further justified my decision to suspend all “lullaby subscription” for now, until it is demonstrated that you can be boring enough to effectively put me to Zzzz…

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