Lord I Offer My Life
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I’m making them yours
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to you
There’s something funny about me doing laundry recently. By some bizarre coincidence, laundry the last three times I’ve done it has been…emotional. Heh. Not that I’m emotional about doing laundry, but maybe the time that I’m doing laundry has been coinciding with certain markers in my current journey.
Two weeks ago I did laundry right after saying good-bye to Shiqi. That laundry session marked the beginning of my 8-day long retreat. The next time I did laundry was right before Wanting returned from Spain…and that marked the end of that particular retreat. Today I’m doing laundry while packing for my trip to Singapore, and I’ve been mulling over the end of another year in Toronto and all that I’ve encountered.
This time that I’m leaving, a lot of things seem to be left up in the air. I don’t know what will happen here in Toronto in the time that I’m absent. Among other things, I don’t know if Wanting and Yuandong would be around when I return in August. I don’t know if I would need to find new roommates (or how many). There are other things too, that I feel I am leaving open-ended. In all these things, I have my wishes and hopes, but ultimately, my deepest wish is that these people I’ve grown to care so much about will find their way in the world and be joyful wherever they are. And no matter where our paths may lead us, I am thankful for the opportunity to have broken bread with these friends on life’s journey. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.
Lest I sound too solemn, I should clarify that I am not quite sad. *smile* In one way or another, this is a period of transition for quite a few of us. I have faith that we will all emerge from our cocoons with wings to fly further and longer.
Follow your heart
Let your love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you
Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There’s nothing that you cannot do
I believe, I believe, I believe
Training isn’t easy. Sometimes I still feel like I’m so far behind where I’m supposed to be, even though I know that I’ve covered a lot of ground. Sometimes when I pray, I think I try to pray too much with my head instead of with my heart. I try to articulate the myriad of things in my heart and I find that I can’t…they are so contradictory and various. Sorrow. Hope. Fear. Shame. Love. Joy. I give up trying to articulate them in prayer, realizing how unnecessary that is. I can just be in His presence. He knows me through and through, even deeper and better than I am able to understand my own heart. It’s true…sometimes words just get in the way. Even (or especially) in prayer! *smile*