I miss John.
I feel like I see so little of him, and even when I see him, I never have the chance to find out how he’s feeling about all the stuff that he has going on in his life. I don’t even really know what’s going on in his life except for bits and pieces I scavenge from my mom when I meet her occasionally during the week. In the past couple of months since I’ve moved out, I’ve even had more individual time with Cathy than with John!
I remember when I just entered Secondary school and I was always pushing John away to talk to my friends… how my mom told me to cherish the fact that John wanted to spend time with me cos one day he’ll be busy with his own life and friends and that I would miss having him around all the time. It was advice I took to heart.
I remember the time we lived together in Toronto, and how I ‘chained’ myself to being at home whenever John was home. I know I didn’t have to, but I was very conscious back then that after he returned to Singapore, we may never have that kind of time for each other ever again. I was right… I feel it so keenly now. And I’m so, so, so glad that in those last couple of years in Toronto I made so much effort to spend time with him.
I miss that he doesn’t bug me to have digestives and milo with him for supper… or pushing the responsibility of deciding where to eat to each other… I miss ICQing/ MSNing with him even though we were just in the next room. I miss hearing him talk animately and non-stop about soccer as we’re walking along the streets in Toronto, as we’re waiting for our food in the restaurant, and even as we’re eating. Back then my knowledge about soccer trivia was pretty impressive just by osmosis. Now I know zilch and then minus some.
I loved being at his side and watching him grow, knowing what he’s going through and being able to talk to him about things. Nowadays, I feel almost like a distant spectator. A spectator that cares, of course. :P
I really hope that one of these days (and soon) I’ll get to hang out with John again. Just him and me. Catching up…