Would you be able to recognize the signs if you were in an abusive relationship? It’s sad but I know one too many people who are in some form of an abusive relationship and most of them do not recognize it. Sufferers of long-term abuse often even sympathize with their abuser. In extreme cases, they even believe that they deserve the treatment they receive because they are every bit as worthless as their abuser say they are.
I’ve long believed that mental abuse is more insidious than physical abuse. Words can be used to attack a person’s self-esteem with deadly accuracy without visible trace. When a person you love tells you over and over again about how flawed you are, how others have spoiled you, how undeserving of love you are, and how much they really love you and have your best interests at heart (while the rest of the world don’t), it’s time to re-examine that relationship. Often, the people who belittle you seem to be themselves above reproach, and they have a way of explaining things that somehow always put them on the moral high ground. If you find yourself in such a situation, beware of letting yourself be brainwashed.
Many of these relationships are difficult, perhaps even impossible to break. Often, such abusers are parents or spouses and the situation can get very complicated. But I believe that not even familial relationships are so sacred that the degradation of a human being should be tolerated. Unfortunately, intervention rarely happens for victims of mental abuse as there are no physical scars to prove abuse.
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship that you are able to get out of, by all means, leave before it’s too late. He will say he loves you. And you may love him. But when it all comes down to it, are you willing to subject yourself and your future family to this kind of treatment?
I feel so helpless and angry when I see someone treated so ill by someone close to them. But I’ve learned my lessons well… I am learning to listen and give my opinion while monitoring my boundaries. Ultimately, it’s somebody else’s life… and it’s their decision what to do with it.
Still, now I understand why the others were so angry. And why they said you should walk away. After tonight, I share the same sentiment. But whether or not you do, you must remain strong and believe in yourself!
I think it’s sometimes hard for a person to walk away, because sometimes I think we are not the person involved, and hence we do not have the memories and attachment that they feel..
As outsiders, sometimes it can seem very clear to us, but sometimes the person involved will really have to see it for himself or herself. Probably there is a part of them that still believes things will change, or maybe it’s not as bad as it seems, or maybe there is some self-denial involved.
Like you, I also have to learn to make peace that it is after all, someone else’s life, and there is only so much I can do :)