Before the dawn

Of late, I haven’t been sleeping well through the night. In probably the third time in the last week or so, I woke up pre-dawn and can’t go back to sleep. This morning, I woke up at 4:30a.m. and as much as I tried to keep conscious thoughts at bay, they crept in to the accompaniment of the raging thunderstorm outside.

I thought about John & Cathy’s wedding rehearsal later today and a few things I wanted to check with them…

I thought about how they both have fallen sick over the last fortnight with stomach flu and wondered if they could get sufficient rest in the coming week…

I thought about them getting their new home ready…

I wondered how my mom is feeling or would be feeling when John moves out from home… with the younger child getting married and moving out, it’s like the end of an era…

I wondered what life would be like having John & Cathy as neighbours (their apartment is exactly 8 floors below ours)…

And then I realized, it’s finally sinking in: My baby brother is getting married in less than a weeks’ time. He’s going to head an entirely new household of his own. Other than the busy-ness of wedding preparations, I haven’t been giving much room for my own thoughts and feelings about this huge life event. Now they’ve finally bubbled into my conscious awareness and I decided to pay attention.

I’m so excited and happy for John. But at the same time, a swirl of unidentified emotions is making my heart feel so full. This is a time of gain as well as loss…. of embracing, but also of letting go. As with any couple starting a marriage journey, John & Cathy’s future is full of promise at the same time as it is filled with the unknown.

For people of faith, the uncertainties of tomorrow need not be feared for the future, though obscure, is hidden in God’s smile (Nouwen). John & Cathy’s life ahead is also hidden in God’s bosom. I fervently hope that their new journey will bring them into a deeper relationship with Christ as the Lord of their lives and of their marriage. I pray especially that John will be faithful to God as his first love and be a good Christian husband (and future father) and evangelist to his wife.

I ask for all your prayers too for John & Cathy and our families as we continue the preparations for their wedding day. Please pray for plenty of love, patience, understanding, and a good deal of humour to deal with all the unexpected twists that come along. Especially for the bride and groom, please pray that they can relax and realize that the true significance of their wedding day doesn’t lie in external preparations but in the readiness of their hearts.

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I have not been sufficiently inwardly silent of late, and I can feel the effects of it in my life. It’s amazing how important silence and solitude is in grounding me firmly in my relationship with God and with others.