I remember sometime last year feeling envious of Ivy because she was so busy. Well, not because she was just busy – but because I felt she was busy with so much purpose. She is of course not the only one I know who is busy with work – but she stood out in that practically everything she had to be busy with was something she believed in. I envied her that she had the guts to choose a path that was ‘hard’ and yet paid little – but which was so meaningful. Most of all, I envied her because I had no motivation or drive to do my studies, and I wished so much that I could just go out and start living – like her.
I lived vicariously through Zibin’s daily stories about life at his work. The challenges and tasks he’d been given – the people he had encountered each day – the funny stories, the sad stories, the ways in which he finds his work so meaningful and challenging… I drank all those stories up thirstily, enthusiastically listening, affirming and discussing his days with him. Oh and I envied him – that he has been growing so much in these past few years, that he is learning so much, maturing so much, and contributing so much to the people around him and to his organization. His life was so meaningful! And again, in comparison, I was just bored and stuck with a thesis I didn’t really care about, and a life direction I couldn’t get excited about.
But NOW – ah what a joy to wake up each day bursting with energy! With my head filled with ideas of how to approach the many tasks I need to do! Like today – I need to write up minutes to the last Paul committee meeting, liaise with our web guy to brainstorm up content for the website, email out reminders to various committee members, correspond with our contact at Catholic News, plan this Sunday’s Catechism lesson (the first class I’m teaching cos last couple weeks were led by my more experienced co-catechists), and prepare for tonight’s SCC (Small Christian Community) meeting at my place. And I cannot be more psyched!
I’ve been waiting all my life to feel this much passion and excitement to live each day. I’m not going to second guess or doubt anything – I’m going to enjoy every moment of this and trust that as long as I keep myself open to God’s grace, that the rest of my life will be filled with moments like this.
Yeah Ann, ROCK ON!