Of late, there are so many tasks I am doing that I have begun to lose sight of the forest for the trees. So easily am I sucked into ‘macro-mode’ (yes, like the camera) that I become focused on completing tasks and achieving results. And with so many different urgent tasks on my plate, it is unsurprising that I began to feel stressed.
On Saturday morning, I had organized a Paul the Musical Info-Session for Catholic school Religious Coordinators. Due to exam season and the short notice, RSVP for the event had been poor. Early in the morning before the event, I went to the Adoration Room to bring myself before the Lord.
The Lord gave me the verse from Isaiah 41:10, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you; do not be alarmed, for I am your God. I give you strength, truly I help you, truly I hold you firm with my saving right hand.”
And then he asked me,”Do you believe I am in control?”
“Yes, Lord, I do.”
“Do you believe that the audience for the musical has already been chosen?”
“Yes, of course I do.”
“Have you forgotten that this is my musical, and that I will see it through?”
*I keep silent*
“I will do the work. I will be responsible for the results. What is there for you to fear? Live with joy! Bring my love to others in every situation you are in. That is always the only thing you have to focus on. I am in control. Don’t worry. Go enjoy this morning! Be yourself, chat and laugh and make friends with the teachers. Have a good time, Ann.”
Touched, I felt the stress in me begin to melt. And I laid my heart before my Lord.
“I am sorry that I am so imperfect, Lord. You have told me time and time again and you have let me experience the wonders of your love, but still I forget so easily. Still I am unable to live out this trust in you!
Lord, I am sorry for having judged XXX this week; I am sorry for being envious; I am sorry for the lack of charity in my heart; I am sorry for having gossiped; and I am sorry for having been selfish. I’m sorry I’m so imperfect and so slow in learning Lord!”
He replied,”But imperfect as you are, I LOVE YOU. I love you because I love you. You may be disappointed in yourself from time to time, but I am never disappointed because you never surprise me. I have seen the entirety of your life and you are beautiful and perfect in my eyes. I love you.”
Then I was given an image of a vast ocean, so vast I cannot see its corners. And I understood that if I were to jump into that ocean, I would be like a speck of dust. And in my heart I heard the Lord say, “My love is greater than the vastest ocean. You with all your imperfections are engulfed by my love like nothing at all. There is nothing in your entire life greater than my love. I will never let anything come between us. I love you.”
I walked out of the Adoration Room revived and renewed. And what is more, what would have been another crazy weekend of work has become a weekend of rest because my husband fell sick. And though unwell, he and I are delighted at the rest God has given us, and for our first self-cooked meal we have had in two months. How wonderful that our Lord takes care of even the smallest things in our life. All glory and praise be to His name forever!
“For I am certain of this: neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nothing already in existence and nothing still to come, nor any power, nor the heights nor the depths, nor any created thing whatever, will be able to come between us and the love of God, known to us in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Rom 8:38-39
Journey of the Heart 