‘Goody-2-shoes’ is a phrase I have heard often in my life. Whether uttered in derision or affection, this name has always made me cringe inwardly. To my ears, this term is often synonymous with stick-in-the-mud, inflexible, uncool, and just plain boring.
It’s true that I hardly drink, I have never smoked, I have never gone clubbing, I married my first boyfriend, and I am painfully honest and responsible (most of the time). On the other hand, in spite of my ‘goody’ self, I’ve also known the shame of premarital pregnancy and the pain of aborting a son. I battle with pride, am annoyingly insecure, needy of affirmation, and perhaps more than a tad too critical. But for all my faults, I seem to still fit under the ‘goody-2-shoes’ category.
In my youth, much of my principled behaviour was fueled by the need to be worthy of trust and love. But increasingly as I grew in my faith, I find that I choose my way of life because it is genuinely life-giving to me. This ‘goody-2-shoes’ is the Me that God loved into being.
I have never been able to live or love by halves. God created me to throw myself completely into everything I do. Once I clearly apprehend what God asks of me, my heart cannot be at ease until I have heeded His call. Perhaps because of how limited and flawed I am, this passion to embrace the Cross causes me much pain, for there is so much that God needs to polish away so that I can reflect Him.
But for all my seeming austerity, I am after all just the earnest little child that God created who “is partial to apple juice, Disney songs, and loves a good heart-to-heart.” And perhaps like any other child of God, I am still learning to love me for me.