There are times when I really wonder why God is so diligent in growing me. There are days, weeks, even months in my life when I feel God constantly stretching me, teaching me, coaching me… without giving me much time to rest! (Sometimes the lessons are about learning to rest…but even there he’s growing me!)
Whenever people ask me how I am doing, or how my life is, I have no words to describe my life. It is at once exciting, joyful, and exhilarating as it is tiring, painful, and sorrowful. I love my ministry – this is where I experience moments of the fullest life. But it is also in my ministry that I suffer the most deaths – deaths to ego, expectations, control, perfection, inordinate attachments… the list goes on. And yes, these deaths are to be celebrated! But they… are… PAINFUL.
I don’t feel that my life is in balance… I’m always still struggling to take care of my health and fitness (which is currently non-existent), and to make sure I have time to spend with family. Friends outside the circle of my ministry have been sadly neglected. And yet, even as I struggle, I never fail to feel that this is where I am meant to be at this point in my life.
Sigh. Alright Lord, grow me as you like. Just please be gentle, ok? :D