I knew somehow that I was the rich young man in today’s Gospel. Jesus’ words cut straight to my heart. “There is still one thing you lack. Go, sell everything you own. Then come, follow me.”
It may seem on the surface that I have already relinquished a lot of my worldly treasure in the last few years. I had given up a likely path of success in the world. I had given up completing a PhD. In some way it had felt like I have already sold everything I owned – or at least a great part of what I owned – in order to follow Christ. But today, Jesus says to me that I am still hanging on to riches.
And I knew what He was referring to. The riches that He is asking me to divest myself of is not of the material kind. He is asking me to divest myself of intellectual and spiritual riches. For I am still not good at being little and last. I have always needed to be great, or at least better than others around me. It stems from insecurity perhaps, but this is me. This has always been me.
Can I let go of my desire – my need – to be the best? Can I acknowledge that the old root of insecurity is still present in my heart, and that I am quite helpless to be rid of it?