My first thought in 2015 was the word “Listen.” It was whispered into my consciousness as I was still stirring awake. Listen.
Silence. Solitude. Detachment. These three are necessary in the spiritual life. For the past 6 years, I have been learning to grow increasingly in silence and solitude. It feels to me that the Lord is telling me that He is ushering me into a season of learning detachment.
I had just wondered aloud last night about the different ways I have observed my loving others. There are those I love with greater affection, but these are also the loves that tend to cloy and cause me unhappiness. There are others whom I do not feel I love as much, but who seem to feel truly loved by me. These are the loves that are simple and life-giving for me – where opinions and feelings don’t affect me as much, and where my spirit remains free and joyful.
The reason I cannot love others with detachment is because I am still inordinately attached to my self. This is entirely different from loving myself. It is precisely because I have loved myself poorly that my ego is so insecure that it has formed a great attachment to itself. As I learn to love myself more generously, my inner child will grow more secure, and with greater security will come a lessening of that inordinate attachment to my ego.
So as I step blithely into another year in the Lord, I walk in love and beauty. I come to be loved more fully by God so that I too will come to love in a way that sets myself and others free.