Travel Update

Looking at some of the responses I’ve been receiving on my blog and through email, I thought I should make a post specially to assure everyone who is concerned about me that I’m alright. :) Now, now, don’t scoff… I’m not putting you on…I’m not saying that everything in my life is sunshine and roses. If you’ve been reading my recent posts, you’d know that when I say that I’m alright, I mean that I am alright whether or not the sun is out.

I am touched by the encouragement and faith that have been shown me even when I felt I haven’t shown proof of my strength. To those who never doubted my resilience and love when I was too confused and hurt to show my strength, ‘thank you’ isn’t enough for what your faith has done for me. I feel simultaneously humbled and ennobled by your love.

Several people have during this time expressed the sentiment that this period would have been easier for me if I had been in Singapore. I agree. Ultimately though, there was always an important element of this journey that I needed to make on my own. I have found that keeping busy or finding distractions may dull the ache, but do nothing for me. There is an internal process of healing and learning that I needed to undergo…alone. For that reason, I am grateful that God in His wisdom saw fit for me to have this point of my journey in Toronto, away from the busy-ness and comfort of family that Singapore affords. It hasn’t been easy, but really, He knows what He’s doing. Besides, I was never really alone in Toronto either. :)

These past few days have been a wonderful time of quiet and healing for me. I am starting to feel strong again, rather than just knowing that I am. And I don’t wish to disappoint those of you who wish to see the ‘old’ Ann back, but that’s not possible. *smile* That’s a good thing! You wouldn’t want me to go through such an arduous journey for nothing, would you? *laughs*

I’ll always be the same me. But I hope that as I grow older and take up the various crosses that life has to offer me, I will become a fuller and brighter version of myself. This I promise you: I will never back down. I will always go forwards. I will fight every step of the way to be faithful to God and to myself. Mistakes I will make because of my limitations, but I am a quick learner, and I rarely make the same mistake twice once I have truly internalized the lesson.

The lesson of my life is LOVE. I am still learning what that truly is…and learning how to make myself a better instrument of God’s love. I am very little, but I can love much. I always have loved much. Now I know that is not sufficient. I need to learn how to love well. This lesson will take the rest of my life, but it is one I am committed to learn. This is not just for my own sake, but for the sakes of all those I love. All of you deserve to be loved better by me. It is as much for you as it is for myself that I am determined that none of my growing pains will be in vain.

The road is still long, and I know I will still make mistakes. But wait and see. Somehow I’ll make you proud of me. Whether as a wife, a daughter, a sister or a friend… you deserve to be loved by a better Ann. God willing, you will.

*****************

For those who are concerned about my nutrition and sleep, please don’t worry. The fact that I dare to blog anything that implies I haven’t been eating well means that I have already begun to eat better. :P As for sleep, well, that part has always been harder for me… but I’ve been getting a steady 5-7 hrs every night for the past week. And last night, I hit the sack at 9p.m. and got almost 10 hrs. And Mom, I promise I’ll drink vit C and lots of water…

4 Comments

  1. Press on, and yes, truly God has meant for you to be physically alone during this period of time, so that you will be exceptionally sensitive to Him and His calling. But you know always that your loved ones will surround you with our love and constant prayers. Keep it up! :)

  2. haha So I guess you’re getting older! Erm, *ahem* wiser I mean. For me as long as one feels happy to have shared experiences with the people that made your life all that much more interesting and enjoyable, maybe even gave you that fuzzy feeling of warmth and comfort inside, whether or not those same folks continue to play the same role in your life really doesn’t matter so much anymore. Because you’ve got it good already, and the rest… is just life. :)

  3. oh PS, might be going to Tokyo Grill this Sat ard 12:30-1pm. They do handmade soba noodles every last Saturday of the month. Call me if you wanna join!

  4. Ah…! Saturday! I have to go York for a conference *sobs* Thank you for asking, I really would love to go. :|

    And thank you for sharing your age…er…wisdom, too. I certainly have had many such experiences, and I know you have too. You have some amazing friendships going on there… and come what may in life, you’ll always have what you have now with each other. And like you said, the rest… is just life!

    You have certainly made my life more interesting…especially gastronomically-wise. And I’ve also never talked so much about Malaysian-Singaporean politics before to a Malaysian! *ha ha* Thank you, Ed, for letting me be a part of your life in some small way too. :)

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