Becoming Someone

A post inspired by a recent conversation with a friend and dedicated to those in psychological pain:

How many of us are aware of what forces are shaping our identity?

It’s always difficult to hear criticism, especially from those we love. When we get a glimpse of ourselves from others’ disapproving or disappointed eyes, it can be almost too much to bear. And subconsciously, we reject a part of ourselves whether we try to be ‘better’ or not.

Here’s the rub. We can never become somebody we’re not. So, looking to someone else who seems to have none of the flaws we have and using him or her as an ideal to compare ourselves with will never lead to anything except despair and deeper self-rejection.

When a painful lesson comes our way, it provides an impetus for change. But we need to dig deep and discover how to become a better version of ourselves, not somebody else’s idea of who we ought to be. The best self we can be is also the best self we can ever offer to anyone.

Thus, we have to be wary of how easily we try to fit others’ expectations of who we ought to be. We should be even more wary of how we may try to change so that others may love us. Change driven by insecurity is a desperate, grasping process that will never be stable or healthy.

Be humble enough to listen. Be honest enough to examine your conscience. Be courageous enough to accept your short-comings. But never try to become a person for someone else’s sake unless it is also who you are meant to be. And never let someone else tell you what to do. It is your life. Your choices. Nobody is going to take responsibility or be accountable for your life except you.

Be true to who you are as you try and make sense of the painful mess that your life can at times seem to be. Keep faith. Keep hope. Nothing that comes to pass is senseless or wasted when you let it become the fire that purifies you.

Take heart and God bless!