No one can hurt you if you are determined to do what is right;
and blessed are you if you have to suffer for being upright.
Have no dread of them; have no fear.
Simply proclaim the Lord Christ holy in your hearts,
and always have your answer ready for people who ask you the reason for the hope that you have.
– 1 Peter 3: 13-15
It is difficult to understand how actions and words from a clear conscience and caring heart can be so twisted and misconstrued such that a person can become unrecognizable. It is even more difficult to understand how and why some people would go through such elaborate effort and time to construct a rationalization that would judge and condemn another person just so that they can feel better about themselves and their situation. The sad irony is that they do not realize such actions will only plunge them deeper into self-denial and an escape from reality. The human capacity for self-deception, even group self-deception, is indeed startling.
I have recently been accused, tried, and condemned (in their own minds) for some very serious charges (I was informed when my accuser decided to tell me the verdict of a trial I hadn’t even realized I have been subjected to). It would be wholly laughable if not for the fact that it is also very sad that such a situation can come to be. My accusers seem to believe that they know me better than everyone else in my life, when the very fact that they can believe what they accuse me of is evidence that they do not know me at all. They weren’t objective or complete in their interpretation of facts either… it was a classic example of using skewed data to prove a predetermined hypothesis.
I don’t know which is more sad. That they would choose to believe the worst of me in ways that would bring misery only to themselves, that they are so blindly self-righteous over a reality that is based only on their own rationalizations, or that after all these months, all they have come up with is this sad little thesis that lays all the blame of all their troubles at my feet.
And yet, in spite of being accused of some outrageous charges (including emotional adultery, breaking up a family, the seduction of an innocent and being a lesbian), I am grateful. For throughout all this time, I have been blessing and praying for the very people who have condemned me. Even now, I still bless them, and I still wish them every happiness and peace even as I ask for God’s grace so that I can wholeheartedly forgive them for wronging me. God put them in my life for a wonderful pedagogical purpose, and in the last year I have been faithful to my lessons. I’ve confronted myself, acknowledged my flaws, listened to the hidden inner voice of love within me, and begun to rediscover and live my identity as God’s beloved.
Every experience, whatever its nature, can be used to illuminate our journeys and to help us become better persons. I have always believed that, and I have lived that conviction for the past 10 months. Of course it is up to us to make that happen. And I do believe I have.
Dearest Jesus, when You were falsely accused, You did not attempt to defend yourself or convince your accusers of their wrong. Instead, You forgave them and asked your heavenly Father to forgive them as well, for they knew not what they were doing.
Bring me into Your love so that I too may bless and forgive my accusers. Help me to surrender my desire and need to ‘be right’. Help me to open up the wounds these accusations have inflicted on me to Your loving and healing hand.
You alone, Lord, are my judge! Before Your eyes I have always laid bare my intentions and desires. In You alone do I seek vindication!
Thank you, Jesus, for this beautiful new cross that you have given me as a sign of your great love for me. I embrace it whole-heartedly! May it bring me ever closer to You! I love You!
Many times we are often accused of what we are not. Some things that we do innocently, with the best of intentions, often get ‘corrupted’ by people, simply because such people do not believe that purity exists. I have often been asked, “Is YW a fake? I cannot believe there is someone as nice as her”. And I cannot tell you how often I’ve been hurt by that. I never thought I was nice, but I definitely am not fake. Later as I grew up, I realised it’s because people just cannot believe that other people will be nice to them. So they ‘blame’ it on the person who is giving.
But in no way it stops me from giving. Something that you know is true, will just come to you. If I am afraid of people saying I am fake, then maybe they are right: I was not that nice to begin with.
I always trust that whatever you do is with the purest and most sincere intentions. I’ve known you for about 15 years, I know what kind of person you are. Your family has known you an entire lifetime, they know who you are too.
Ann, some friendships, are just not meant to be :) But everything happens for a reason, and maybe it’s happening just because you need closure.. Or maybe it’s teaching you something about how sometimes we can just try our best, and yet things just don’t go accordingly.. Or maybe, it could be the start of something else.. But like what you said, as long as you did not do anything wrong intentionally, the rest is up to people to say… it’s like the Chinese say, “äººåœ¨åš, å¤©åœ¨çœ‹”… :)
Sigh. You know lah. I’ve got much to say, but I never know how to say it… :) *hug*
Lots of love,
Yes :) No matter how much people hurt you, we don’t hurt them back :)
And also you have to know, that sometimes, things are just not within your control :) I’m sure you already know this, else you wouldn’t have handled this so calmly :)
Thank you for these comments. Though they don’t tell me anything I have not come to also realize myself, your words convey to me the warmth of your love.
I guess part of why the accusations felt so incredulous to me is because not only are they foreign to my nature… I don’t think I would ever even suspect that of people, much less a friend, unless there is irrefutable and externally corroborated evidence.
And it is quite sad that people can have such a simplistic and narrow view of love, that they would correlate its intensity and depth to its nature. That they think a deep emotional connection must necessarily have sexual overtones… I think by that reading hor, not only are you and I in a suspicious relationship, but also Enling (definitely Enling!) and also a lot of people we know! :P
Jokes aside, I have learned a lot through all this, and I do not regret any of it at all. I have grown and gained so much new insight in so many areas of my life and relationships that it is all worth it. Pain is the fuel for passion, and change, and growth. It certainly has been, for me!
Thank you for trusting me and believing in me!
P.S. You are one of the most genuine people I know! :)
Thank you for trusting me too :)
Being one of the 3 in the trio of suspicious liaisons, I love you both dearly as my good friends, who are both extremely nice pple, (although somewhat too trusting) and I hope that the person who has failed to see Ann as a valuable friend will one day be able to find herself giving selflessly and become the same good friend to somebody else, in order to understand what it means.
:) Thanks, En dear. *big hug*