The way I am

I don’t love or hate by halves. ‘All or nothing’ is my default mode.
I am sometimes frightened by the intensity of my own emotions.
I like being around people, but I am fiercely jealous of my time alone which calms, relaxes and centers me.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve liked to talk. And eat.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve derived great joy in making others smile.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve loved music and all beautiful things.
I stress about disappointing people in my life.
When I care to compete, I hate to lose, so much so that if I think I’d lose, I don’t enter the ring.
I value loyalty greatly in friendship, more than companionship and sometimes even understanding.
Next to God, my family is the most important thing in my life.
I’ve always been rebellious. Telling me to do something specific makes me want to do the opposite. Obedience is hard.
I don’t like the feeling of being shackled or restricted, though as I’ve matured I am learning that I care more about internal shackles than external ones.
When I’m upset, I like go to a quiet, private place and bawl it all out.
I’m not afraid or ashamed of crying in front of others.
As early as I can remember, I’ve loved babies and nurturing those in need of care. It made me feel good.
I used to value justice over compassion. This is slowly changing.
I get grumpy and malfunction when I’m hungry.
I can alternate between being absent-minded and surprisingly sharp and intuitive within a space of seconds.
All my life I’ve been searching for a mission. I still feel clueless as to what that is.
Without internal motivation, I get easily paralyzed. I find it extremely hard to do something just for the sake of accomplishing it.
Passion and conviction are my strengths, but I tend to over-rely on them.
I’m not an easy-going person and tend to sweat or panic over small stuff (like when I can’t find my keys!).
I tend to say too much rather than too little.
I go through phases where I’m crazy about something and I learn as much as I can about it, then I move on.
When I set my heart and mind to accomplish something, I rarely fail. Trouble is, I don’t frequently find the conviction to set my heart on something. And without my heart’s support, my mind refuses to command.
I’m a sensitive soul and I get hurt easily. But I can’t stop trying to love… the day I stop loving is the day I stop living.
It hurts me more to see those I love injured rather than suffering injury myself.
I think there are many things about me that can be much better, but I’ve never felt that I am worthless.
My greatest flaw is my self-centeredness and my uncanny ability to mask that from most people.
I yearn to be loved for who I am, but I am even more grateful to those who encourage me to become a better version of myself.
I believe in accepting the past, living in the present, and facing the future with hope.
Whatever we’ve done badly or failed to do, we can always learn and do better in future.
I am an idealistic realist: I acknowledge the brokenness of reality but I firmly believe that love and goodness can make the world a better place.
I believe that everything I once possessed could be lost, but I still get very attached.
The one thing I cannot live without is my faith.
The reason I can accept myself, recover from rejection and face the uncertain future with hope is because I believe that I belong to God whose love for me transcends who I am or will ever be.
My ultimate identity is God’s Beloved.

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Love me or despise me, that’s the way I am. But I am still changing.
I am a work in progress; ever becoming even as I learn the art of being.