Do you deny your feelings?

Hubby and I had an interesting conversation after watching a drama in which the hero (for various reasons) self-denied his growing affections for the heroine.

Hubby says he would never do that. If he likes, he likes. He’d admit it to himself.

I asked him… but what if liking that person complicates matters? You wouldn’t try and deny your feelings?

Hubby says nope. He’d face his feelings squarely and then deal with whatever the situation was.

I look at him, a little incredulous but impressed. You see, I have to admit I can be quite the drama queen of denial when it comes to feelings.

As usual, the conversation had to end on a rather absurd note. Hubby says, “That’s why I’m an engineer. Very straight one. That’s why you’re the artsy-fartsy philosopher!”

*bang head against wall*

**********

Hubby is also a guy that doesn’t believe in ‘wooing’ a girl he likes. As he graciously puts it, “If she likes me, then she’ll like me regardless. I don’t believe in trying to get a girl to like me.”

Hubby’s the kind of guy that can walk away peacefully if the girl doesn’t like him. If it can make her happy, he would even be willing to stay out of her life, or to wish her happiness with another person. He is the kind that really believes in the saying ‘if you love her, let her go’. Oh, and he always felt it was a great thing to suffer for love… (explains why he loves Wang Jie’s songs)

Me on the other hand, I used to be afraid to love because I always had a hard time letting go. So my modus operandi used to be to deny or stop my feelings before they get too deep. I was afraid to love because I was afraid of being hurt… I never felt that it would be ‘great’ if I could suffer for love. *wry grin*

Maybe that’s why God let it happen such that I grew to love Zibin so gradually that I didn’t even realize it until I was in too deep to stop. God didn’t give me a chance to run away because He knew I would have!

I’m different now. I’m not that scared about loving people anymore. Ironically, it wasn’t love that catalyzed the change, it was rejection. It was the pain of human rejection that opened my eyes to the joy of love grounded in God rather than in selfish fear.

**********

So to all who suffer heart-break:

Hang in there! Don’t be afraid when your heart breaks. Have faith! Day will always follow the darkest night. If you have loved truly, heartbreak won’t kill you but it will make your heart more alive. Eventually.

Forgive. Smile… and move on bravely. A new and better self will emerge from the ashes if you desire it. You can do it!!!

7 Comments

  1. Indeed. :)

    And in that growth, there’s a new kind of beauty. Not fresh and untouched as it was before, but like the butterfly that emerges from the chrysalis.

  2. hi ann! don’t mind if i leave my 2 cents worth. where love is concerned, i guess i used to think alot like you. perhaps it’s the once-bitten-twice-shy-syndrome. it is difficult to put yourself out there after a bad experience. nobody likes feeling heartache and pain. but i guess being the hopeless romantic that i am, i find myself giving my all in my relationship with shawn. sheesh the very mention of his name is making me miss him all over again. 75 days to go and counting…ha!

  3. Hi Odette!

    Aww, my heart goes out to you. It’s really no fun to be apart from your other half! But he’ll be back and then happy days will be here again! :)

  4. Hi dear,

    I don’t think I am as ‘xiao sa’ as your hubby ah, haha, but I also believe in letting someone go if you really love the person :) It is indeed a ‘previlege’ to suffer for love :) A little bit ‘zi4 nue4 kuang2’ right hahaha…

    I think I’m a ‘cross’ between your hubby and yourself, heh… Last time I will not admit I like the person (self-denial, that’s you), haha, and I will just walk away (that’s him!) haha… :) In a way, JF and I are pretty similar in that sense, but I think he is more like your hubby in this sense (plus he also doesn’t believe in ‘wooing’ a girl, actually he doesn’t know how to lor, that guy, heh ) :)

    So melodrama leh haha… :)

  5. And hor, talking about shows, I also have a ‘soft spot’ for guys who self-denies their feelings for the heroine :) Especially when the male lead has ‘changed’ for the girl, but yet denies his feelings lor… Drama drama….

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